SALVATION FROM SEXUAL SHAME

Expressing our sexuality and sensuality is a divine power I don’t take lightly. Sacred Life Force Energy is the most creative force on earth. I’m empowered by Men and Women who honor their temples, their Soul Journey, and the patience to allow God to bring life partners together in all forms of divine love (free of genders focused on harmonizing masculine feminine energies for manifesting destiny.)

May we together aspire to be part of this movement to inspire other beautiful souls to share their vulnerable stories to receive Salvation From Shame.

Secrets caused me insane pain in my life which is why I am so open about having deep conversations that matter, such as these topics of sexual abuse, childhood trauma wounds, sexual transmutation, our highly sexualized culture, and the blessings transformative sacred sexual healing brings.

My story begins at 5 years old when I experienced my first pleasurable orgasm. 

I was sexually abused by two men. One man threatened to kill me if I didn’t perform sexual favors and the other man was married and we had extremely intimate, slow sex.

This was beyond confusing to understand as a 5 year old but what I can admit to is that even at 5 years old I knew it was wrong what we were doing but liked it so much continued to do so anyways.

This married man was a professional magician and musician in the entertainment industry and was also involved in porn industry. He made videos of us having sex often. My sexual desires and curiosity became more intense with him as these sexual experiences continued.

When I was approximately 7 years old I felt so much guilt because I was friends with his trophy model wife and knew what we were doing was wrong, so I told him we couldn’t continue.

He continued to flirt and attempt to seduce me for several years thereafter but never forced himself on me as he accepted my boundaries.

Because of my exposure to highly intense, intimate sexual experiences at such a young age, and being entangled in a married couples issues at such a young age, it caused me so much conflict in my life, my romantic relationships, and the men who I was attracted to because my body craved this intensity of pleasure but I had no clue what was going on inside of me. I would often find myself trying to flirt and seduce boys who were completely inexperienced at an early age.

By my teenage years I used my provocative flirting to attract guys but sex was unenjoyable because it could never satisfy the deep physical satisfaction I had once experienced. 

Because I was objectified at such a young age by unavailable man, flaunting my sexuality was never a safe thing for me to do as I got older. I attracted married men, men who were in committed relationships, emotionally unavailable men, and men with highly intense sexual chemistry, so it was a constant experience over the course of my life that caused me great despair, as well as physical, heart and soul pain. I kept re-traumatizing the pain.

I didn’t realize love sickness is real.

I would fantasize about having sex with men for the years to come who I was attracted to while pleasuring myself to address the pain and cravings my body was having.

This caused me conflict and distancing from experiencing something real with someone special because I was tormented and addicted to the fantasy.

Nothing would ever come to fruition and I realized I was chasing men because my need for sex and love was so intense.

By my mid 30’s my sexual desires and cravings were unbearable and contributed to unfulfilling one night stands and relationships filled with heartbreak and pain.

This led to me making a Promise to God that the next time I had sex it would be making love for ultimate sacred divine sexual healing in a deeply committed life partnership.

I felt like I was cursed because I’ve had to endure the physical cravings of sex while learning the lessons God was teaching me through celibacy.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from being reluctantly celibate was that I was developing a divine gift to be a model of true friendship and beauty for men, a Soul Sister for Men and Women, allowing this to be the foundation that would lead to a deeply intimate, faithful, divine, and destiny revealed life partnership with my husband. A manifestion willed and created by Sacred Love and My Beloved Creator.

I became the Goddess of Compassionate Love because I had to learn how to love myself from the inside first and let go of all outside validation.

I had to let go of comparison of other women, and refrain (imperfectly) from seduction and manipulation to control men, while learning how to be with the intense sexual cravings from my body. Full Chakra ZEN Mastery!

It’s sooooooo easy to seduce vulnerable men with seduction and sex and with a deep need for love it was brutally painful not to do this because of a promise I made to God.

This is where grace began to teach me true love lessons over the years as I watched men that I began to develop a deep connection and emotional intimacy with they would instead choose to spend their time, money and energy on sexy and seductive women (immature superficial girls) rather than pursue a deeply meaningful friendship of radical honesty and intimacy and getting to know me for my true beauty, love and light beingness.

From a distance I’d witness the objects of my affection choose to indulge with girls and then in time become angry, resentful, bitter, depleted, broke, and unhappy towards those so called, “girlfriends” (repressed and denied yet reflected in their eyes, face, demeanor, vocabulary and actions.)

I’d witness the toxicity the unhealthy relationships would have on these men and their Hearts and Souls. 

Their physical appearances made it apparent how stressed, depressed, and exhausted they had become giving their all to these women and it never being enough. It was painful to witness and for years I was codependently loving them with heart break and compassion.

It became apparent to me how easy it is to seduce men. It is a power that comes with divine responsibility. The negative consequences are devastating because they can last for years and the karma can last for lifetimes.

I continue to forgive myself for judging these souls who were suffering as was I but didn’t have a resolution to end the pain.

My Sacred Intimacy Love Lessons continue to guide me to forgive with deep sorrow and compassion and to learn as much as I can about inspiring Sacred Intimacy, creating sacred spaces, honoring my temple and putting my focus, energy and attention on cultivating life partnerships willed by God.

I stopped giving a fuck about my body and the weight was a subconscious way to attract friendships first to weed out the men who couldn’t see the true beauty in me. I’m open to intention sex-ersizing for sure!

Now as the Goddess of Exquisite Sacred Love my spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health and harmonious well being are top priorities.

I’m inspired to love my body as my temple more and more every day.

This is an ongoing sexual healing journey I am on and I am very passionate about sharing my story, what I’m learning, and how healing is possible.

Cultivating a healthy, sacred intimate relationship with my beloved matters to me. I believe it serves a greater purpose on Earth and in shaping our humanity when we are together with the one God created us to be with.

I welcome your comments, your stories, your perspectives and all that you are inspired to share in whatever ways make you feel safe to do so.

BREAKING THROUGH SABOTAGING PATTERNS:

RESOURCES FOR SEXUAL HEALING

1. Radiance Magazine (Click for full article)

“The biggest trap when it comes to power is sex…But power over men is not the solution it perpetuates the toxic dynamics of patriarchy.”~ Scilla Elworthy

2. “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill which correlates the power of sexual energy with wealth and high influence. Read Chapter 11 learn how to transmute sexual energy into self actualization, abundance, and liberation.

3. The Dark Side Of Sex. Sexual energy is a power that, without exception, significantly impacts the course of every human being, for better or for worse.

It is accurate to say, that just one spiritually compromising sexual encounter has the potential to completely change the direction of a soul’s journey in a given life-time.

This is especially true when people engage in intense sexual interactions under the influence of drugs and alcohol. One of the most potentially compromising scenarios is when one or both partners are barely conscious due to the effects of alcohol, and likely remember little, if anything, the following morning. This is sadly a relatively common scenario in today’s world, and yet potentially very dangerous to the integrity of the soul.

Part 1 READ NOW

Part 2 READ NOW

*Newly Added

Part 3 READ NOW

4. CHANNELING YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY is an insightful article that teaches us how to contain our sexual energy before we can channel our sexual energy. READ NOW

5. SACRAL CHAKRA SEXUAL ENERGY MEDITATION (See below)

6. RESPECT VS ATTENTION ARTICLE:

“Once you figure out what respect tastes like, it tastes better than attention. But you have to get there.” ~ Pink

READ NOW

7. Sexual Empowerment That Transforms Our World

READ NOW

8. Apologies To Sacred Masculine

This was first published on soulshaping.com, and is the copyright of Jeff Brown.

READ NOW

9. Apologies To Sacred Feminine by Jeff Brown

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS